this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
