Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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