hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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