I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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