why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
