I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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