i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
