I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
