I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
