why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
