Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
