wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
