Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
