i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
