I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
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