why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
