it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
