I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
