Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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