There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
