I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
