He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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