Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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