Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
