real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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