worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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