It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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