If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think people are normalizing furries
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