how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
