he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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