We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
