did you get engaged???
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
