there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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