every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
