I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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