My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
