I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
