Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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