I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
