1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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