Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am available for nakedness
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize