Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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