A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
North Korea, Best Korea!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
