I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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