I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Best friends brother. Beat that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
