i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
