The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
