dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
