Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize