I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
