I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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