get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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