And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
