We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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