By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
