i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
not ubering you a puppy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
