I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dick very happy bro
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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