Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
