3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My ass is underappreciated
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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