dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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